Today’s #XLiving will be dedicated to attending to burning questions on our mind, particularly about our spousal relationships.
We shall attempt to address these questions one after the other.
Q1. How can I make my spouse feel successful?
A1. “Feeling” is part of our emotions & can be met with another emotional solution followed by action. Offer encouraging words to your spouse followed closely with supportive actions. Give emotional support as well & make the respect for him or her obvious.
Q2. How does one help one’s spouse see difference between good standard of living & extravagant living?
A2. Good or extravagant lifestyle is relative. It depends on your upbringing. What you term extravagant is someone else’s good standard. If our exposure is not the same, we’ll always have these issues. Both of you should have a good talk about these differences & agree on your minimum standards based on compromise.
Q3. How do you set up prayer alter in the home, its duration & what’s the format?
A3. Prayer alter is good for training, children’s induction & communion with God as a family. It’s the man’s role to lead the prayer but managed & coordinated by the woman & if he’s not spiritually sound, fill in the gap & ask him to say the grace afterwards, he will soon warm up to it. Keep it short, sharp & straight until you can increase the prayer & personal sharing duration.
Q4. How do I deal with my mother in law who controls my husband & family indirectly?
A4. First thing to note is that she’ll not likely change because you don’t have control over that. Secondly, understand the root cause of this problem. There is a void your husband fills in her life, that’s why she can’t let go. She may also have observed a gap between you both that she’s exploiting. Find & fill that gap but feel less emotional about her, that way her power over your emotions will reduce. Manage her from afar until a time when you & your husband are able to seek proper counsel. Be careful not to create the impression that you want to separate them, rather do it spiritually. For this reason a man shall leave his father & mother & be joined to his wife (Gen 2:24). Use the word to fight in your prayers.
Q5. Husband is laid back about life, lives in rent free apartment but helps in house chores, wasn’t like this before marriage. He’s a qualified lawyer with a law firm but just lost drive about life. How do you deal with this?
A5. Men often give up easily especially when they’ve tried severally & nothing seems to change. Start with offering encouraging words & let your discussion be about the changes you’ve noticed in him. Assure him of your emotional support & understanding of the whole matter & ask how you can be of help. Be deliberate about taking practical steps to help his business. Make some calls, tell your friends. Keep the encouraging words coming, it will boost his ego & give him a push. Meanwhile, keep the respect intact. Keep the communication line open & if possible, help secure his first new deal before you step aside.
Q6. Should I marry a man who is 14 years older though our visions are alike?
A6. You guys are generations apart & that’s a challenge on its own. It is not advisable. Don’t believe the general saying that age is just a number. Marriage is much more than that. One thing common amongst humans, we tend to circumvent the truth & as such automatically embrace falsehood. We cannot build anything without the “Truth” including our relationships & marriages.