Difficult Conversations: Sex Education

How did you find out about sex? Were you lucky to get first- hand sex education from your parents?

For most of us, this was the most difficult conversation to have with our parents (more like it never happened). Unlike the present generation where everyone is becoming self-aware about sex, where puberty teen sex is being trivialized, we the millennials weren’t lucky.

How did your mom tell you about sex? I recall mine was something like “don’t let any boy touch you, if a boy touches you, you will get pregnant”. And for my brothers, it was “you are no longer a boy oo, don’t get any girl pregnant oo, better know what you are doing”.

Does this sound familiar? I bet it does. 🤣🤣🤣

Would you have turned out differently if your parents had told you everything you needed to know about sex? Growing up in a Christian home with religious parents, it wasn’t something that was discussed, I used to wonder if the word in itself was a sin. It always felt like they wanted you to know about it but didn’t want to be the ones to break it to you.

I often wonder what the role of the church is in this and how or if they do address this? There are so many things I felt would have happened better or be prevented if I had that opportunity to have a sit down with my parents, especially my mom (African parent syndrome).

No boys allowed no boy talks allowed. There were so many rules but little or no reasons as to why we had to adhere to these rules. In this digital age where access to any kind of information is readily available at your fingertips, it would be in our own best interest to do things differently with our kids rather than have them learning from social media and friends like most of us did. It would help them understand that while it is free will, it would be better to wait for the right time and this means aligning these teachings with God’s directive.

There are so many things we can do differently now, and so many things we need to unlearn. Just like we were raised to believe that the spanking (actually a lighter term for the beatings we got) was the best and only way our parents could show love and also correct us, we have come to see that there are actually better ways to communicate with kids. We are also now beginning to take mental health seriously as well. Some of us still get baffled when we hear kids ask a question to their parents like “Why” because we know during our days we wouldn’t dare.

This same awareness and realization should apply to sex education, learning about it should be taught more as a preventive measure rather than a taboo. If we can openly talk and acknowledge that we are made of flesh and blood and not everything is spiritual it would better help to understand why God said: “Thou Shalt not commit fornication“.

While at it, let’s also focus on the boy child, a lot of emphases is always placed on the girl child, let us not forget the boy child that will someday grow into a man. He too will grow into adulthood and while that is happening he will also be experiencing changes. Sex needs to be demystified. It not enough to say ‘thou shalt not commit fornication” how does the bible address the times when the flesh becomes weak? God promises to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). God wants to pour grace on us so we can move forward in healing from hurtful sexual choices and into a place of fulfilment!

In a world as perverse as ours, where the line between right and wrong keeps getting blurred, where pre-marital sex is glorified and being a baby mama is now a social norm, same-sex relationships are being shoved in our faces everywhere we turn. It would make a great deal of difference if the church considers SEX an important issue to be talked about, seminars should be organized and experts on this issues should be called in to address burning questions as it relates to Christianity. I remember then too that I had a lot of questions I wanted answers to but couldn’t ask because the word in itself was a taboo.

Hundreds of studies have shown that sex education can have a positive effect on behaviours. Sex education is designed to help young people gain information, skills, and motivation to make healthy decisions about sex and sexuality throughout their lives.

Parents should be the primary sex educators of their teens. Pastors and lay teachers equip parents and supplement parents’ teaching. Youth leaders, Sunday School teachers, and other adults also supplement parents’ teaching. Together, parents and the church should take up the task of teaching teens why they should save sex for marriage, how they can do that successfully, and how they can enjoy healthy relationships as single young adults. They should also introduce teens to a loving and forgiving God, from whose love in Christ nothing can separate (Romans 8:38-39), a God who runs to meet and embrace the one who has sinned (Luke 15:20).

Young people everywhere are being bombarded day in and day out in our super-sexualized society by messages that both trivialize sex and encourage sexual activity. These messages are hurting our young people. Yet as Christians we are failing to give our teens a picture of healthy sexuality; we leave them on their own to figure things out, often with disastrous results – physical, emotional, and social. It doesn’t need to be this.

I know it is going to be a difficult conversation but it needs to happen.

1 thought on “Difficult Conversations: Sex Education”

  1. DIFFICULT CONVERSATION.. At first when I saw the banner because I work very close to the church arena, I didn’t understand what it really entails until I read this article. It is indeed inspiring and where parents get it wrong with the teenagers of our days is that, they expect you to stay sex free, don’t want to break the news about s** to you and when one mess up, they are the first to hit you on the head with words. And to be sincere, even the church is not helping either. A seminar was held in my church 21st Feb 2018 titled “Healing Sexuality”. The anchor did a lot of work in trashing, recycling and producing a wonderful teaching only for my pastor to collect the mic when he was done and told us not to even think about sex. Who does that? Even a 5 year old baby knows what it means to kiss, and soon enough as he watches television, he’ll begin to understand when it mean to have sex because when the WARNING on Nigerian Home Videos PG or 18+ is not applicable. Sex is something that parents should teach their wards right from when they’ve had knowledge of things. And also for churches, SEX FROM THE ALTAR is something that should be practiced.

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