It’s called a ticking clock. Over the years, women have been made to believe that they have a time limit so they need to marry early and have kiddies early to be the perfect woman. Especially in Africa… Nigeria to be precise, women are seen as a woman of respect only if they are married and have kids and having kids late is frowned upon, this puts pressure on almost every Nigerian woman.
Mia felt lost and lonely. She moved out of her parents’ house at age 29 because of the constant bickering about when she was going to tie the knot. The question always put tears in her eyes especially when she went on a Christmas picnic with her friends and all they talked about was marriage and their children. She felt left out and took a long walk, away from them till it was time to go home.
Staying alone has not been easy either. Before she found a house, she had to get a cousin to pose as her fiancée as no one wanted to give a single lady a house. This is not the only place she feels the stigma. At work, she has been passed 3 times to make partner because they felt she was not ‘settled’. Simply put, not married.
These have got her depressed for so long that when she goes out, she keeps to herself even when she tried to occupy herself with church activities, her situation glared at her cause of the many young workers who are married and often flaunted their rings.
Once she fought with a friend and the friend called her a barren, lonely bitter woman. That stung.
She now shies away from events and church activities. She even stopped going to the cinema. Praying has become a burden for her as it reminds her of her situation and she ends up crying and not praying.
Yes, it is difficult to be a lady above 35 and not married in Nigeria. These ladies face a lot of emotional stress and it is sad we are part of that stress.
So, when next you see a single older friend, don’t flaunt your marriage or children in front of her and don’t ask her the depressing question. Instead, talk with her, share love from the bible with her and most especially, pray for her gift of marriage.
Are you depressed about not being married? Will you like to have someone talk and pray with you often about it? Then send us a mail on firstname.lastname@example.org so we can chat.
Remember, God has a reason for the delayed season so have faith!