Gracefully Single

Temi ran down the stairs in a panic, her mind flooded with a barrage of emotions and fear – could she be the only one left out of the pack again this year? Valentine’s Day was fast approaching and with no husband, fiancé, boyfriend or even ‘toaster’ on the radar; it looked like 2018 will be same as the past 3 years.

Oh, what she would give, just to have a man approach her to even attempt to show her some love! Real, honest-to-goodness love, that is. But that’s the question, what would she have to give? Was the need to be married worth the loss of her peace or happiness? Because recently, it looked like they (internal peace and being in a fruitful, purposeful relationship leading to marriage) were mutually exclusive.

Who are those women that ‘had it all’? I really would like to meet them and investigate deeper, Temi thought to herself. She had married and/or tied-up friends and you can’t imagine the war tales, their experiences, the sacrifices they needed to make, just to sustain their relationships. That was not to say that it was all horror stories in marriages. There were a few good examples of more ups than downs, as well as role models she could aspire to. Hey, nothing is ever perfect, right?

As Temi settled in her car, on her way out of the house, it dawned on her that it was by Grace that she was single. She needed to discern that she had no ‘mates’ and she was special, viewed as a separate entity in God’s eyes. She was single AT THIS TIME for a purpose – to learn, to build on what she was learning and to mature into the person God needed her to be in preparation for being a wife and mother in the future.

“How long would that take though?” She asked herself with a chuckle. She didn’t want to turn into an old maid! How many lessons were in the ‘curriculum’, what tests were in store, what hurdles did she have to jump and where? All these questions were answers she couldn’t presently give, but as she drove through the streets of Surulere, heading to the island for a quick lunch date with the girls, she was determined to be graceful in her singleness.

Temi figured that in her time of waiting, she would be joyful and avoid the emotional pitfalls of bitterness, loneliness and sadness. Come on, there must be perks to the single life and she would live it up!

Imagine being able to control one’s own time and activities, well with help from the Holy Spirit, though. She could go out and come in as she pleased, schedule work and play, eat banga soup at 8am or watch the Grammys at 1:30am, local time! Her time of waiting would also be a season of discovery and refinement – what was her divine assignment and what specifications would God have her build to? What mindsets and/or relationships needed to be added, adjusted or cut off to conform to His will?

This would be a great stage in her life, she thought – how would she think, feel, behave? Could she even help others who were single and struggled with low self-esteem or just generally tired of being disappointed one too many times? She could help others accept all that God gives them, the challenges, the heartaches, the joys, the sorrows. To be strong herself, she had to reach a peaceful acceptance to all she had – blessings and all, as well as all she was – the apple of His eyes.

Instead of despair, she was now filled with hope and joy, and a knowing that God’s plan is at work. What a relief! Wow, this was a major ‘aha!’ moment for Temi. She felt the urge to park on the side of the Mr Biggs to write her thoughts down. She didn’t want to lose any critical ideas.

As she continued on Ahmadu Bello Way, she was inspired to celebrate herself on this coming Valentine’s Day. Was it not okay to be one’s own Val? Self-love is permitted; Jesus just wanted us to build on it for showing love to others. She would buy herself chocolate and perfume; have dinner at home by candle light and a great movie. Temi was alive, with a great job, amazing family and good health. She had so much to help her stay graceful and grateful.

Not forgetting her super-duper-wonderful girlfriends, a mix of married and single but strong and loving women, who were there to support her through thick and thin. Hugs and kisses to go around! It was going to be a great #WomanWednesday, Temi thought. Who’s up for some ice cream and gist?

Enjoy!

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