TEXT: Songs Of Solomon 3:1-5
Last week, we defined love as ‘the perception, recognition, acceptance and celebration of potential value in a person or thing and it compels our disposition towards the person or thing’. We also said there are 4 major types of love known as:
- Storge: Empathy, bond for Family
- Philia: Friendship bond
- Eros: Erotic bond
- Agape: Unconditional/Charity
In Songs of Solomon 3:1-5; She was looking for the perfect fit in her life in the wrong places. Night time represents a time of reflection, when one is lonely and in need of companionship. Watchmen (Pastors and Prophets) gave little assistance in locating her love. It’s the same way many consult seers. Often times, that which we seek in love is disguised; will you recognize him/her when you see/find him/her?
You may not always recognize love when you see it. The lady had a good purpose when she said,” I will arise because It takes courage to build and sustain relationships. It’s possible to seek that person and not find because you’re looking for the wrong person or in the wrong places. Look around you guys, s/he is not far from you.
From Eph 3:17-19, one can conclude that Love has dimensions. There is the, length, width, depth and height of love. The love for a spouse is deeper than “skin-deep”. When you say you fall in love with a person, you’re actually connecting to the potentials in the person. When you love, you make the relationship real, you’re not dealing with potentials anymore you’re making it real. Length is how much distance you cover to connect with this person. The sacrifices are never a bother neither is it documented. Breadth/Width is the extent to which your love can cover from one extreme of weakness to the other of your intended spouse. Depth relates to the level you stoop in humility to reach this person. Throw away your rights and privileges to win this person over in love. It won’t allow us to be judgmental about the other person. Height pertains to your desire to lift your partner/spouse up to your status to achieve unity of spirit. In the Bible days you probably didn’t woo a woman, the family did that. So, class differences and segregation exist just like today e.g Nabal and Abigail (1 Sam 25).
Love will change you. We cannot truly love if we put more premium on our achievements, status, position, accomplishments. Esteem (i.e estimate) others above ourselves (Phil 2:3. Let nothing be done through selfishness or conceit but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves). But love is seen in our daily compassionate transactions or acts of kindness that we show to each other.
There is no such thing as soulmate in the bible thus soulmate isn’t biblical. Companionship was the focus for Adam because God said he needed a companion, not soulmate. It was more of a complimentary relationship instead of identical beings or clones in a relationship. Husbands and wives are one not soulmates they are ONE! (Gen 2:24).There is no such thing as compatibility in the scriptures either; one hears funny things like sexual compatibility. No one brought sexual skills from heaven, we learned everything here.
Love at first sight is deceptive. strong physical attraction can never guarantee lasting true love or relationship. Your attitude and good character are more attractive than physical appearance. There are no perfect persons hence no perfect relationships. Rather than looking for a perfect match, be a perfect match anytime any day. 1 Corinth 13:4-7 says, Love is patient and kind, sacrificial and humble, honours and trusts, protects and hopes as well. It’s hardworking and never judges. So why is our love different from bible standards?
Build a relationship with God; defer your love life to Him. Prayerfully find someone that loves and fears God, has your basic qualities and you’re willing to accept, then you would have found your perfect match. Look around you Guys! The person is not far. Age difference sometimes is not an issue but let it be minimal. Maturity is what is required.
Never be under pressure from anywhere to marry and never marry without proper preparation in counselling. Get a model marriage and ask them to mentor you. A man and his wife may not have the physical, emotional and spiritual connection they desire in marriage but they’re still “soul mate”, their destinies are bound together (Gen 2:24-25, Mark 10:7-9). They only need to work harder and be sincere and objective (sorry prayer and fasting alone won’t work). No matter how terrible a marriage is, with hard work, proper mentoring and faith, it can work.