It’s Wednesday at 4pm and Babz hadn’t called her. She was fuming, “It’s like this man isn’t ready for me at all”. Because you see, it wasn’t just any ordinary Wednesday, it was their 2nd wedding anniversary. As her mobile phone stayed silent and she rounded up from work, Tumi’s emotional temperature increased with every second that passed. Her mind was abuzz with a gazillion of things that were going wrong in their relationship.
From ‘forgetting’ important dates, to not being willing to see a counselor together, Tumi started rehearsing her speech for when she got home. It was so unfair! In the garage, before entering the house, Tumi realized that she had been bottling a truckload of toxic feelings and so she called Sandra, her older sister to let off some steam. If not, heads would spin. Babz was always a laid back guy and Tumi loved the fact that he took things easy in life, no ‘gra-gra’. “But it looks like this trait has turned into outright laziness o, or has it always been there and you ignored it?” Sandra asked.
Tumi replied that he was chilled out, no storm seemed to ruffle his feathers and that was a great thing, right? She continued: “but a marriage storm was brewing, and unless we both put in work, we may capsize”. Sandra quietly said: “Every venture requires investment. Just like a business, a marriage partnership needs both parties to pump in resources of time, passion, goals and focused action”.
“Pump wetin?” Tumi laughed. “Babz would come home, DAILY, no show of affection, no interest in my day, no inclination to make conversation… just his food, TV and sometimes, PG-rated activities if he was in the mood”. “He’s not interested in interacting with my family, engaging in weekend leisure or making an effort in knowing what makes me tick. What happened to research, customer focus and excellent delivery?”
“It seems Babz believes getting married to you was the prize and that was where all investment capitalized. No further work, efforts, building or service required. If that was a business, it’d be downhill from there”, Sandra exclaimed. Tumi was all the more scared because Babz was comfortable with the status quo, he didn’t believe anything had to change, not even him. His self-development was stunted and though he says he loves her, she couldn’t see the love in action.
Was it something she had said or did? When did the commitment and dedication to the relationship dwindle, or was it ever there? Questions and more questions raced through her mind and she spurted out a few to Sandra in rapid succession.
“Tumi, you need to calmly call for a proverbial ‘principal partners meeting’. You both need to reevaluate the current situation and strategize with a practicable action plan for this marriage. I believe that’s the first step”. “Please don’t go in there screaming, crying or raging”, Sandra begged Tumi. Take deeper breaths and remember that love is an action word – that’s your theme for this meeting. Even YOU have to work displaying self-control and patience.
As Tumi wipes her hot tears and fixes her hair to leave the car, what advice would you give Babz in order to help save their marriage? Love doesn’t cost a thing but would it require him to sacrifice his old self? Looking forward to your thoughts on this #WomanWednesday