Q: Can circumstances dictate if a person is supposed to be your spouse?
A: It’s dangerous to allow circumstances suggest who your spouse is. Rather, be direct with God. Look for important values and be sure you see maturity: spiritually, emotional and intellectual. The person should have financial capacity and be attractive.
Q: How do you know you’re prepared for marriage?
A: You may not be 100% ready but you must be responsible and mature enough to handle life and its challenges. You need flexibility, adaptability, emotional stability and ability to communicate well with your intended spouse.
Q: So what’s wrong with physical attraction? People talk about ‘tall, dark and the rest…’. What’s the issue with short people?
A: We’re attracted to different kinds of people. You only know of your own preference. Beyond physical attributes, the inner beauty of a warm spirit is important and relegates physical beauty to the background. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Q: What’s your take on compatibility, physically and sexually? How do I know if I’m sexually compatible with my partner?
A: Compatibility is not in the scripture but has become necessary because of our environment and our current limitations. Faith is what’s required in the decision to choose a partner if you need God’s help. Where faith is operational, compatibility or non-compatibility doesn’t exist. Hebrews 11: 1 assures that all will be well with the choice you’ve made and you act based on that belief. There are no guarantees that a beautiful and good wife will bear children except by faith. Faith is the guarantee and it’s the reason you can’t walk with God without it. Sexual compatibility is a façade. We learn sexuality here in this world. We didn’t bring sexual skills from heaven. It’s not a spiritual gift, neither is it genetic. Sexual compatibility is a very poor and wrong reason to want to marry someone. Sex is made for the marriage and not just the casual intimate transaction people have turned it into. God wants and strongly recommends chastity before marriage. When you’re married, you’ll have plenty of it served as breakfast, lunch, dinner and as snacks in between.
Q: How does one control extra-marital affairs? Can we say extra-marital affair is normal, because it’s gone viral these days? As a single person, it’s scary to be committed.
A: Extra-marital affairs start with a problem in one’s value system. That is obvious these days and even in our economy. There are people who have remained faithful in their relationships for years. Extra-marital affairs are not normal and should be discouraged. If you can’t be committed to a partner, it says a lot about your value system and you’re telling both your partner and God that you cannot be trusted.
Q: Before I got married, I felt at peace about the choice of my partner. Then, after marriage, we started having issues on how to build our lives and progress in our careers and other projects. What’s your advice?
A: According to Amos 3:3, If there is no agreement, you can’t make good progress in your lives. A harmonized family VISION helps avoid family DI-VISION. Taking time to deeply communicate and show genuine love and interest in each other’s progress and development will help you. If it’s difficult for you both to agree, then get a third party counselor to help broker the deal.
Q: Is love enough?
A: If we understand love in a relationship as being an aggregate of Filio (Friendship), Storge (Family), Eros (Sensual) and Agape (Unconditional), it may be possible to say it’s enough (that is, a combination of the 4 types of Love). But if you think love is emotion based, then it’s not enough. Unfortunately, we often define love based on emotion and it’s the reason you’ll be tired once you begin to feel used and unappreciated.
Q: Can love overcome trust issues, marital disagreements, financial hardships, and or infertility challenges?
A: Check out 1 Peter 4:8. Love can overcome any challenge in a marital relationship or any kind of relationship for that matter. However, trust must deliberately be built daily in relationships.