Mary was so excited about her wedding. I remember the glow in her eyes anytime she talked about her dress and her lil bridesmaid. She was having the wedding she always dreamt of. It was however funny that anytime I mentioned the groom, the glow varnishes like if she saw a ghost.
I had to sit her down, friend-to-friend and ask her why she was going along with the wedding when it was obvious she wasn’t in love with him.
Babe, she said: “I am the first girl and things are hard for my family. I need to take care of my younger siblings. Besides, I think he loves me.”
I tried to warn her that she was making a big mistake. Marriage is not a means to an end, it is not a bill-sorting financial institution, it is a life-long commitment of two friends, two people who have decided…it’s a ride-or-die ish.
I was worried cause it was obvious he was attracted to her model shape. He liked to boast of his ‘sexy’ wife and usually ask if we noticed her hips.
Today, after 5 children, they are divorced. Siblings? Living a happy life I suppose.
Grace was another story. She felt she wasn’t good enough for any guy so she said yes to the first man that proposed to her. Despite the fact that they were from different worlds, I mean she was young and bubbly while he was old enough to be her father.
Some will say it’s ‘daddy issues’ but trust me, she and her Dad were best friends until he refused to permit her marrying his age mate. For some, it could work out, but when all you share is a good time in bed, how will you sustain out-of-bed life?
When you are two worlds apart and have nothing in common, what will sustain your marriage when a conversation has two extreme views and one looking at the other as too young or too old?
I bet you know the end of that story!
Now Princess was a funny one; she just wanted to get married and didn’t care who. She felt age was catching up with her and her biological clock is ticking fast. She was like Julia in “The Runaway Bride” as she played the part to fit every suitor that came her way.
Now tell me, what do you think will happen when she finally settles down with a man who was attracted by just the physical?
Let’s talk about Cece’s story. Her man was a chronic cheat. She had caught him numerous times with different women in different circumstances, yet, she stayed put. She was desperate; he was good-looking and well-to-do. With the ratio of men to women, she was sure this was her last bus stop.
Hooking him with pregnancy and a family discussion, they were married before we could say ‘jump-n-pass’.
Well, women say the men change when they become fathers, Cece’s man changed alright, changed women state to state. Won’t you agree she asked for it? Don’t agree yet, yours is yet to come or has it arrived?
We need to be careful about the reason for which we are getting married. Yes, the wedding day would be so much fun, you won’t want it to end but last I checked, it will end and marriage starts.
The marriage of two different people from two different upbringing coming together to live as ‘one’ is a tasking business. You will find your differences and your similarities before finding a balance. You will laugh, cry, play and most especially pray together to make it work. Our Good Book says: “Can two walk together except they agree (values, goals, mindsets)?”
You will fight, trust me but how you fight and resolve the fight really matters. You need to come from a place of understanding, a place of love, a place of togetherness to be able to fight the good fight.
Most especially, you need to have Jesus at the center to find peace and stability.
So next time you are staring at his 6-pack abs, chiselled chin and 6ft 5inch body, remember, marriage is more than good looks and overflowing bank accounts. While that can sustain immediate needs, it cannot sustain for life.
As the saying goes, money can buy you everything but can’t buy love. Trust me, love is worth more than all the riches in the world…it’s worth everlasting life!
Do you agree that most women marry for the wrong reasons, hence the high rate of divorce?
Talk to us in the comments section…