The Victim And The Victor 3: Sophisticated Grace

The Victim And The Victor 3: Sophisticated Grace

As I said last week, my breakthrough wedding came four years after. By this time, I was more mature in every sense of the word. I was grown spiritually, emotionally and physically. I could manage my emotions well, or so I thought. Until two years into my marriage, my monthly period became the biggest enemy I saw every month.

I sucked in more disgrace because my sisters-in-law made matters worse. They reminded my husband how they had advised him not to marry me because of my age, saying I’d probably never have kids. They even introduced a second wife to him behind my back!

Hubby would usually respond with: “Remember Sarah and Hannah in the Bible? They married young but they never bore children until they were old, so we are waiting on God.” Though his sisters would laugh at him, he’d continue, saying children are a gift from God, not a validation of marriage and so if we have kids, thank God. If not, well that wasn’t why he married me.

You will expect that when they leave I’d embrace and kiss my husband, cook his best meal… but no. I would lash out by describing how insulting his sisters were and remind him that he was supposed to be from a Christian home. Is that how Christian women should behave? Then I’d go back to the room and cry my eyes out.

Nothing was ever good enough in my eyes, there was no hope. I had tried every method possible to have a child but nothing had worked.
I even regularly went to all of the orphanages around me, donating packets of biscuit and sugar because my auntie had told me that if I wanted children and any ‘sweet thing’ to happen to me, I should do that. LOL.

I did it for months and nothing worked. Someone from church told me to wake up every 12 midnight and pray to God till 3 a.m. I did it for weeks and nothing happened.

Someone else told me that I should start being extremely nice when I see old women on the street. For example, I should help them carry their load, assist them or pay their transport fare, etc. I did that again for months, yet my period came every month like clockwork.

I was sitting in a quagmire of frustration until I met this friend of mine who made me realize that I was depressed because I found nothing good, nothing beautiful in my marriage and I insulted my husband at every opportunity I got. I had such a bitter disposition and attitude to everyone around me. In short, a lot of people stop visiting me because I always had something bad to say about them.

When I found out I was depressed, I didn’t want any medication. I believed that I knew the cause of my depression, which was ingratitude.
I was not grateful to God for the kind of husband I had, who despite my newly developed, bad behaviour, still loved me, always trying to hug me after receiving a barrage of insults, made food and served me breakfast in bed and still did everything to make life comfortable for me.

I was ungrateful to God, even for my life and for my marriage, so I made it a point of duty, DAILY, to remember all the lovely things God had done for me and to be grateful for them. It was no wonder that within the 4th month of my gratitude challenge, I got pregnant and now I cannot forget all the great things God has done for me and is doing for me.

I want to tell someone out there: understand that it’s only a matter of time. God will meet you exactly when you need Him. Only be patient, holding on firmly to the promises He has given and remember to always proclaim them on yourself every day.

I’d like to use this medium to call on all women who are going through one challenge or the other to speak up. Find a close friend or doctor or family member, that you can talk to because depression is real and it’s devastating. If you don’t have anybody you’d be comfortable speaking with or you would love to talk to someone different in a confidential setting, then email us right now: nojudgement@whiteolive.org

Remember that we love you but God loves you more.

Do join the conversation by commenting below and tagging that friend you know needs to read the story. You never can tell, the next person by your side could be undergoing depression and just needs this story or comment on this story to break free of those chains and turn their life around.

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