As tears ran down my eyes, all I could think of was how I ran out of that hotel and left Tade stranded. Maybe, just maybe, if I had gone through with it; this won’t hurt so much. I would be here knowing we are even. I would have run into Tade’s arms; consoled by his kisses, a candle lit dinner and endless pampering.
Here I am, in pain. My marriage is probably shattered beyond repair and trust is out the window. But if I could resist, why can’t he? I tried so hard to fix us, to bring back the romance; now I know why he wasn’t interested.
While I was home cooking a late-night meal and setting the mood right, he was in her arms, laughing at her jokes. While I tried to talk to him and have meaningful conversation, he would tell me how tired he was – I bet from listening to her.
Yes, Bosun, my husband, cheated on me. While I was feeling guilty in a hotel lobby, he was busy with his colleague. I came back home that night, ashamed of what I almost did. Walked quietly into the room and that was when I heard him… He was laughing at her jokes, telling her how much he missed her warm kisses. Reminiscing on their night together.
I was stunned, my feet felt glued to the floor, I heard it all. The lies he told me about his trips – trips he spent with her. He turned and saw me standing there as the tears ran down my cheeks. He ended the call and started to say sorry. But I turned and ran. I ran out to the backyard and started plucking on vegetables and crying.
It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. All I could ask myself was – Why? Why didn’t I notice? Why didn’t I see it? What did I do wrong? I started having blisters but kept crying.
Three days later, I am still hurt and angry. Bosun has been trying to talk to me, but I have nothing to say to him. I can hardly concentrate at work, and it showed as I poured my anger on Tade, especially. Maybe he’s the reason for this bad luck.
When I came home and saw his Dad and Mum, my Mum and our pastor, all I could do was laugh – he thinks he can put me in a tight spot? They are all trying to talk to me, but I am not listening. I just need them to leave me alone, I want to hide under the duvet and cry.
Then he said it, he (my pastor) reminded me of how our Lord preaches forgiveness and how HE died on the cross for me. Memories rushed in; I remember the times when I stumbled and fell in my walk with God, and HE forgave me. I remembered when Bosun caught me kissing my former boss (his friend) at a party, he didn’t tell anyone but forgave me.
As the tears pour down my cheeks I finally came to understand why they say – ‘to love is to forgive’. He knelt and told me how sorry he was and how he will never make the same mistake again – I know he is truly sorry. I sat on the floor; all my resistance crumbling – as I quaked with all the emotions. I remembered my vows – to love and to hold.
Temptation is a big part of our lives. It takes the Holy Spirit in us, to know when and how to walk away. Many marriages have dissolved, children displaced, and spouses depressed, due to hurt and distrust from cheating spouses. The blame game does not heal; it only deepens the cracks – seek to understand the ‘why?’ – forgive and ask God for grace to move past it.
Cheating is frowned upon. However, we need to understand the place of forgiveness, counselling and reconciliation.
Tell us your story about cheating and let someone learn from it. Do share in the comment box .