Friends are hard to find, true friends are like the siblings you should have had and real friends got your back through thick and thin. These are not just lyrics to trendy songs but a fact of life. Some people are lucky to have a sibling as their best friend, some, their mum or dad while others, a relative. I was not born that lucky.
I was the rebel in my family, so it is no wonder that even though I had two siblings, a girl and a guy, I was practically lonely. My Mum and I were almost frenemies. I despised her for most of my growing years. Because I felt she did not know me well. The only one that truly got me, my dad, died when I became a teen. So yeah, it is no farce that I did everything possible to taunt my family for making me the odd one out.
A lot of us have similar problems, we push people away when they don’t seem to understand us instead of drawing them near so they see the true ‘us’. Most times, we find this out when it is too late.
I will start with my relationship with my Mum. She used to pray for me but I saw it as a curse you know, cause she will be like…”I pray you don’t end up barren”. Or… “I pray that you will come to your senses one day and not throw your life away”.
Oh! How these words used to irritate me and infuriate me. It made me do more bad things spitefully to hurt her while in truth, I was hurting myself. She, being older and with more experience, knew that the path I took was a destructive one. She tried to draw me near but I saw her as stopping me from being me. So I rebelled some more.
Funny how these rebellious actions were drawing me further away from the real ‘me’, my true potential. So I didn’t graduate early because I was rebelling. I didn’t come out with a good result because my Mum wasn’t nice to me. I took so long to gain admission into law school because that was what she wanted and I did not want to give her that pleasure.
Who suffered? Me. And yes, she did too as she could not understand why I let myself fall victim to the ‘world’. She used to try to preach to me but I always felt she was too much of a sinner with no right to share the gospel.
She used to pray for me, she would cry and pray for me but I was so stone-cold and distant that I always pushed her away when she tried to come close. I always felt she was trying to trap me with her niceness and forgiveness…I mean, she didn’t need to forgive me, I did not do anything wrong. I was the one that needed to forgive her for trying to be my Mum.
Yes, all those years, all she was trying to be was my Mum, i.e. my elderly friend and I blew it away. It all dawned on me when she called and said she was dying of cancer. I went home to be with her but I could not be with her. She died months after and I sat down to think for the first time… she as only trying to be my Mum.
I always envied her closeness with my Sister so I was a bit shocked to hear my sister say I was my mum’s favourite. I lost the relationship I should have had with her but what about my siblings?
How did my failed relationship with my Mum affect my relationship with friends? Find out next week on #WomanWednesday
What relationship are you pushing away?
Are you building a firm relationship with God?
How much love are you radiating to affirm your love for God?
Join us this month as we talk through ‘Relationships Goals’ all through November.