Yimu And Yanga – Dating 101

Toyosi asked Amaka if the female friend she was bringing along for their hangout that weekend was toastable. Amaka immediately replied ‘Yes. She’s in a relationship, though…but it’s her choice.”

The other guy – Kayode, with whom they shared the back seat of a red Toyota rolling idly in traffic, snapped at Amaka for saying that. “Romantic relationships are sacred. You shouldn’t encourage a friend to jump ship”.
And that was how an argument ensued between Toyosi, Aminat and Kayode.

“Are you kidding me? Is she married? How do you expect her to keep all her eggs in one basket?”, Amaka wailed and Toyosi, who sat in the middle, begged them not to argue over his head, but it was too late. Amaka continued, “How do you know the person that you’re dating will be your life partner?”

“You don’t know. But the Bible says he who is faithful in little will be faithful with much. If you can’t stay loyal to a boyfriend, there’s no saying that you’ll be loyal to a husband. Commitment is key in every relationship, even before marriage.”

The Toyota galloped over a speed bump, and as Amaka loaded a comeback, Toyosi interjected. “I agree with both of you. However Amaka, I think it’s wrong for you to give another guy the go-ahead to chike your friend who is in a relationship.” “Exactly! The relationship can’t be pure if the girl comes to you straight from another guy.” Kayode added.

Amaka perked up. “I had a friend in Uni, she was in a relationship and a guy I know asked me to introduce him to her. A few months later, she left the guy she was with for my friend, and they’re still dating till today. So, jumping ship does not always bode evil. You can leave less for more.” She stated.

Amaka continued, “…by the way Toyosi, I’m not giving the go-ahead. I’m just saying it’s her choice. Kayode immediately queried her, saying “How would you feel if the tables were turned and it was your boyfriend?” Amaka was ready with an answer “I cannot say for certain that he doesn’t have affection for someone somewhere. That’s why you cannot put all your hopes in one place.”

“No. You’re supposed to enter a relationship with marriage in mind. There’s no room for dating carelessly.” Kayode decreed. “How many relationships have you been in?” Amaka asked, and after Kayode replied that he had been in two, she followed up with “How come you didn’t marry the first one?”

“I was very young then!” Kayode said. Amaka laughed, Toyosi shook his head, and the Toyota sped up, as traffic had abated. “So, in your mind now, you think you’re grown and are very certain you’ll marry who you’re with now?” asked Amaka. Kayode nodded, affirmatively.

Amaka laughed some more. “You know nothing. And you never know where your wife will come from. I might even be the one to introduce you to her.” She quipped. Kayode shook his head, no. He was certain that his destiny with his girlfriend was locked in.

Toyosi drummed playfully on the cushion seat of the Toyota. “I sense closing arguments coming. Who wants to go first? I’ve heard good points from both of you. So let me say my own and open the floor.”

Toyosi began, “I believe that you’re both right. On one hand, a relationship isn’t fun and games, it should be leading somewhere, and both parties should try to be as loyal as possible. But on the other end, the only biblical security against separation is in marriage. So till then, no one is lawfully compelled to stay with anyone.”

Toyosi continued, “Relationships are just like Christianity, without faith, it is impossible to love. And sometimes love works in mysterious ways, it may not always give you what, or who you want. But as long as your partners thoughts are good and not of evil, to prosper you and to give you an expected end, then hope for the best.”

Amaka looked out of the car window at a petrol station. “Me, I think there’s a difference between a petrol station and a garage. You drive into a petrol station to fuel you for your journey, to service you with knowledge. You may pass through many petrol stations before you finally get to your garage, but make no mistake that you cannot break down at the station, you cannot rest at the station, or give your all to the station and you have to be ready to move on if the station has no fuel.”

“That doesn’t mean date every Tom, Dick and Harry. It just means that if Jack stupidly falls down and breaks his leg, Jill doesn’t have to go running after him. My dear, there is still water in the well.” Amaka concluded.

Kayode giggled, “Well, I sha believe that if you have good, there will always be better, and no one will ever be best. Remember the woman at the well knew Jack wasn’t the only option. She kept going back for more water. The new and shinier thing would always be more exciting. You don’t need a harem! What you need is one Adam, one Eve, a helpmate fit for you. Find him or her. And I agree, every Google search turns up plenty results. But wisdom scrolls past the spam, and finds the specific content it desires.”

Throughout the course of this trip, at the front of the Toyota, the two senior colleagues seating in front kept quiet. As if to say this was one of those things that was so complicated, it could not be taught, but would instead require one to travel their own path, with the road signs of the Word, and the headlights of the Holy Spirit.

Who’s side do you take, Kayode or Amaka? Or like Toyosi, are you on the fence? Feel free to share your own experiences down in the comments.

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